Erik's Dream Date

remember Bobby's Dream Date?

"It'd be with this girl, but only if she were intelligent and as talkative as I'm not. We would first go out to an indoor paintball arena dinner at a dank ass seafood restaurant. I'd get a Maine lobster, and she'd get a salad. We would discuss and agree on Politics, Philosophy, the meaning of life, and how much muscle is most attractive on a guy. Then, we would drive to a chill bar with only a few people. We'd have a nice conversation while I drink 7 2 shots of JD. She'd have a fuzzy navel. We'd take a taxi back to my place. She wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me. As we got into the elevator, she'd push me against the wall and start making out with me. I'd reciprocate immediately. We'd smoke a bowl, have some chill sex, then relax for about 10 mins. Then I'd say "I WAS USING ONLY TWO PERCENT OF MY POWER LEVEL!". Her eyes would widen, and we'd get it on again, but this time I'd use all of my power. After that, I'd immediately whip out a massive splunt and we'd smoke it and cuddle at the same time. We'd then fall asleep in each others arms watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters."

Erik's Dream Date

It'd be with this woman, but only if she were kind of chill and boring like me. We would first get some food (any kind) and then go out to a music performance of some type in West Oakland. At differ I would order something vegan just in case she is. She would order something large and calorie laden, which I would ultimately be encouraged to finish. We would not talk very much. Maybe about food or books. Then we would bike to the show and stand silently drinking from beer bottles. At some point one of us would say "should we make out or something?" to which the other would answer "yeah, definitely." Then we could bike somewhere else and either have sex or just go to sleep depending on how tired/wasted we are. She would ask to use the internet and I would say "OK," and then I would watch her, out of the corner of my eye, her face a glowing blue shroud of possible-existence.